The Boundary Skill (4th Ethic) - Anna's Healing Garden

Self-Law and Personal Boundaries.

Many of us do not know what “boundaries” are. The best way to communicate boundaries to you is through story.

Imagine that, once upon a time, you went on safari to the jungles of India. You pushed through the jungles and came to a clearing that you knew was riddled with lions. You have your cameras and your film. You’re excited! You break camp, build a wooden wall around your encampment, and then you settle in. Hours pass and you decide to cook your dinner. But instead of cooking within the encampment, you decide to enjoy the freedom of the open jungle, and you cook outside the wall.

You break out your home grill (you are glamping), and you’re grilling your dinner… when a tiger approaches.

You turn, and a pride of lionesses close in on you.

So you turn to them and say, “You are making me feel very uncomfortable, and I would appreciate it if you don’t do that.”

This is not Boundary Setting.

The reason why this does not work is because it only works if the lions share the same ethics as you. They don’t. So your “words of warning” are a joke to them. And they laugh.

Most people do this. Some shout louder.

“I have asked you not to stop!” you shout at the lioness who is getting closer.

What do you do?

Most people would still continue to shout at the lion.

“I’m warning you! Stop it!”

And then, after the lion mauls them, they explain that “I set my boundary! They didn’t listen! What did I do wrong?”

You assumed the lions cared.

You assumed the lions had ethics.

You assumed the lions valued you.

You did not use Discernment.

Boundaries are useless without Discernment. If these were lions who did care about you, they never would have made you feel uncomfortable to begin with.

Let us recall Stranger Things when Will Byers in Season #2, turns to the… Thing… and screams “GO AWAY!” prior to it… mauling him.

Are you like Will? Most of us are like Will.

The rules are not for others. They are for YOU to follow. Your boundaries are not for others. They are for YOU to follow. No words necessary. YOU need to walk your butt behind the wall and DENY THE LIONS ACCESS.

If you do not have a wall, you need to get one.

If you cannot, then you need to MOVE.

If you have, then you need to stop ANSWERING THEIR CALLS AND TEXTS.

Maybe you should not set up encampment in a lion’s pride. And yet, so many of us do.

Narcissists and Abusers do not CARE about us. If they did then you would not need BOUNDARIES to begin with.

The people who are your people, are the people who are so awesome to you that they live with you in your encampment in peace.

Many of us instead have invited the lions into the encampment.

Another problem that is common, is people keep trusting lions and sharks. When the lions and the sharks bite them, the people then say, “I can’t trust people!”

No. You can. You have to use Discernment to make sure you are not trusting lions and sharks.

Discernment is the Skill set of Assessing People on their Reliability, intentions, and Trust worthiness. Or lack thereof.

It is really important that you not put Love before Trust.

Or Friendship before Trust.

Trust comes AFTER they have proven themselves a Friend.

Skill Nourishment (How To Develop Skills) The Boundary Skill (4th Ethic)

Skill Nourishment (How To Develop Skills)

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