Elizabeth opened her eyes. It was 3AM. Imagination shifts to the front of my mind. “Anna.” “I hear you.” “You know what we’re doing here, don’t you?” I nod my head. I do. “You’re scared,” she said. “I am.” “Of what?” I sighed. I knew what she was doing. She was making me pause, stop, […]
PTSD. Getting that diagnoses was like identifying the kind of mess I was in. It meant that I suffered from triggers (44 of them to be exact), and each “trigger” sent me into a time-traveling episode. I am tired of time-traveling. I think I am officially sick and tired of living in the past and […]
Once upon a time there was an Imp King and The Goddess. She at once was drawn to his mischievous glance and his devilish horns. He was drawn to her free-spirited sunlight. But what he loved most of all, was her laugh. And oh, how he danced. And oh, how he joked, forever looking for […]
I talk a lot about the feelings I experienced. Feelings are the experience. Emotions are the life source of existence. They are our identity. They are the essence of those we love… the things we love. Emotions are everything. They move and guide, steer and direct us through life, pulling and pushing at us. “Go […]
I want to tell you about the numbed state of shock. I want to tell you about the fear. I was afraid of everything. I want to tell you about the exhaustion. I imagine it would have been like an addict who looked in the mirror and finally saw their sickened, sallow face and gaunt […]
When I wrote Broken, I saw the Dome. I saw the players and pieces in my head. I sat at the kitchen table in my Irish cottage, talking to William and Bergen. Here, writing this… it’s just you and me. I guess, in a way, I don’t need the exchange and theatrics anymore. The day […]
Shifting my perception once, freed me from that Owner’s perspective, but it did not free me from all the others. No. What I did that day was the first of what would be hundreds of Perspective Shifts. It would be years before I applied the technique and would do it again. The rape on 9/11 […]
I have struggled with this start from the beginning. Do I recap? Do I go back and explain what you may have missed? After Broken, I experienced the shattering of my fantasy and delusion. It was like I was living in a fantasy world invented by my abusers to give them the least resistance. In […]
“Tell my story.” I hear you now. I understand. It is time, I tell my story. When I talk to people, as I live life, I say things. I explain through blogs and articles online what I’m learning as I’m learning it, but it all comes out in confused blabber. But in my head, something […]
Love was a weapon used against me since my formative years. It’s all I have known. It changes you when someone hurts you while they tell you they love you. You associate love with pain. Do you know what pain is? It took me so long to figure this out. Pain is just magnified discomfort […]
