Sunday, 26 March 2023, I was at a friend’s birthday party in LES. (That’s Lower East Side for you non-New Yorkers).
I was talking to this woman about my blog, how I use Exploratory Dialogues, my knowledge in Psychology and Philosophy, and my writing and story-telling skills to take people by the hand and pull them into my subconscious.
“They can literally step into my mind and see the world as I see it. As a Multiple. Maybe then others can see what I see. Maybe then others can learn.”
I watched her tear up.
“Oh my god… so vulnerable.”
I blinked, hiding how taken aback I was by her statement.
Vulnerable? I guess it is. I guess it was. I guess… after 5 years of being publicly raped and living as a nudist and an exhibitionist…
I shook my head. No. That was not why I did this. Why I do this.
“Vulnerable. Yes. It is vulnerable. Because you learn in isolation that if you want to connect, you need to risk vulnerability. That’s what’s wrong with the world today. Too many people are too traumatized to risk vulnerability. But without vulnerability, you will never be connected to another. And too many people are too hurt to risk.
“So we’re starved for connection. We’re consumed by loneliness. And we seek out that connection, but the price we have to pay for such rewards is our own vulnerability. And almost no one is willing to pay that price.
“Instead, we hoard our vulnerability. And that shuts us away from the world. We’re not shutting out the world. We are shutting ourselves out and leaving the world. And we never think its vulnerability we seek. We never stop to question.”
When I studied Norway for my fantasy novels, I gorged myself on Old Norse, Scandinavian, and Viking culture from the 4th Century up to the 12th Century.
Nithing comes to mind.
Nithing is Old Norse for “Nothing.” But it Nithing is not a pronoun. Nithing, back then, was a noun. A status like Jarl or Slave.
A Nithing was worse than slave.
A slave could earn money and negotiate or buy their own freedom. So long as they had they wages, a slave in 10th century Norway could buy their freedom. The next status was “Free man.”
But a Nithing was a death sentence.
You see, a Nithing not only had no rights, they also had no citizenship. They existed outside of the law. The could kill, rape, plunder all without consequence because they lacked citizenship. They were exempt from all laws.
That means a Nithing was exempt from the laws that persecuted them. And exempt from the laws that could protect them.
They were cast out into the wilderness. The mountainous, Nordic elements, in the 10th Century… it was a death sentence. They would die in a matter of months. If they survived, no one survived a Nordic winter alone outside of the protection of community.
Because a Nithing could kill and be free from persecution, it was common from Norse Men to kill most Nithings. Why keep someone alive who posed such a threat to your stock, livelihood, and safety?
Refusing to be vulnerable is a lot like choosing to be a Nithing.
I have lived like an animal among animals.
I have lived without citizenship, rights, or freedom.
I have lived with no name, no voice, and no mind.
Vulnerability is so much better than being a Nothing.