“Hello, Angela.”
I look and there across the familiar Irish table sat Imagination. Probably the only one accessible to me right now who can walk me through this.
“Are you ready?”
“I am.”
“Who do you want to be right now?
“I want to be a woman who is calm and relaxed, confident, and who doesn’t care that her partner is off… god knows where…”
“Going negative. You know the rules.”
“Yes. Keep it positive. The thoughts must stay positive for this to work.
“You know this.”
“Right.”
“Again.”
“I am a woman who is calm. Relaxed. I trust… this is all about trust…”
Imagination smiles. “Yes. Keep going.”
“I trust him. I trust he is safe. I trust he is honest. I trust he is kind. I trust he is doing what he needs to do for his mental health.”
“Why don’t you trust him to be safe?”
“because my once-husband was stupid and got beaten up due to his stupidity…”
“Trust Juan to be honest.”
“He doesn’t talk to me…”
“Because…”
“Because he’s scared. I was violent. He won’t feel psychological safe for a while.”
“So what is your goal.”
“I want to be psychologically safe for everyone. I don’t want to be upturned… This is about trust. These are new emotions…”
*this is live*
“I don’t trust him to be honest or safe. I don’t…
“You are not looking at it
“He was beaten… I trusted him… I…
“He was stupid!!! He was so stupid! He was DUMB! So fucking stupid! And I was HELPLESS! He lied to me! Hid from me!”
“It’s like his STUPID…
“And you saw him like that.”
“I saw him like that. And I couldn’t bare to see… I watched his face…”
The memory surfaced and I remember.