Present Day
Anger just set in. I acknowledged, “Yes, Angel. You are PISSED that you were hurt. It’s okay now. You’re safe. You get pissed. Get angry. How dare they hurt you!”
But do they hurt you?
I think we are saying that wrong, Joshua. I think it is not that others hurt us. But that other people’s actions contradict my Alignment. And it’s the contradiction in our Alignment that hurts.
My partner and I are going through Stage #4 of our relationship. We “broke up” September 2023, but according to everything I know about Psychology, we are just working through the Fourth Stage of relationships.
Every bit of my trauma programming is going off, but I’m CBT-ing the hell out of it right now while I put myself through the Shift and then the Grieving Process. Okay! All of this is wrong… It’s the Perspective Shift that actually is the Stages of Grief. What everyone else calls “The Stages of Grief” are really the Stages of Change. Because Anger hits while the Rorshcach Print Perspective is occurring.
Now that the Perspective has Shifted, I’m working through the acceptance and change. My partner and I had had a recent disagreement. He wants privacy to not tell me when he is out and with whom and where he is going. I don’t like this. Nor do I agree. But instead of responding like Jerry wants me to do with his Motivator Emotions, I am instead pulling back and looking at the big picture.
He and I both have the power to create and the power to destroy. In this sense, we are gods. Now, how I choose to respond depends on …
Give him the power. That is the solution.
Transfer the Power of Choice back to him. Okay…
Now, how I choose to respond depends on my desired outcome.
He is doing this out of fear and control.
Out of fear, he does not tell me. Out of control, he does not tell me.
He is proving to himself that he has the power. He is proving to himself that he has the control.
If I get mad, it scares him. If I get mad, he fights back.
If I get mad or resist, it confirms that he has to fight for his control. And that increases his fear.
But if I am calm and indifferent, he will learn that he doesn’t have to fight. That he doesn’t have to fear.
But then Jerry gets mad. “How can he disrespect me this much!?” Jerry screams.
His Subconscious is running this show, Jerry. Not Juan. His subconscious is in charge.
I see this grander version of ourselves. He and I older, wiser, powerful as gods looking down on our mortal selves.
Goddess: Well? Is this really the kind of trust and honesty exchange you want in a relationship?
God: This isn’t a relationship!
Goddess: You, my dear, and I do not have the same definition of relationship. You have a problem with certain emotions and obligations that I have for you.
God: You can have them! But I want my safety! I want my space! I want…
Goddess: You are afraid. You think relationships take from you. I’m playing the long-game Juan. Not the short-game. So this past year… these old wounds and problems… where you were last night… My love for you and my plans with you far outstrip a single silly night when you needed time off from me.
Present Day
These are my beliefs and my ethics. But the Patriarchy… imbedded some horrific beliefs in me that ate me alive from the inside. I think that has been my biggest problem… I am playing the long-game with him… and he’s thinking too small. I was thinking too small. I’m not here for a day or a week or a passing moment. And that is my truth.
This is my new perspective shift that I’m adopting. That I’m here for the long-game with Juan. And when you’re this deep into love and relationships and commitment, a lot changes. How you look at relationships change. Stage #1 is the bottomless, “Love me! Fix me! Accept me! See me!”
*pauses*
The anger is back… The rage from Jerry… “You couldn’t have the decency to not keep me worrying!?”
Jerry… He is proving to himself that he is free. He is exercising his Agency, which he feels is threatened. This isn’t about you, Jerry. It is about him.