I have so many dreams. But my trauma prevented me from pursuing the life I always wanted. Without trauma and the proper support from my parents, I would be an actress today. I would be on a stage and on the screen entertaining people with Shakespeare.
Maybe I would be a pianist and a ballet dancer… But I’m too short to ever dance professionally. I would be just another celebrity or rising star with dreams.
No. My trauma brutally forced my life down a different road.
I am not a psychologist or licensed therapist. I have never attended a single day of college. I am simply someone who has endured significant trauma, and have lived to tell about it. By all rights, I should not be alive today. But I am.
I listen a lot to my intuition because it has kept me alive for 40 years. My intuition told me, at 15, that if I was to escape my abuse, then I would require what my abusers lacked: education and awareness and humility.
This is how, at 15 years old, I came to study Psychology, Philosophy, and Sociology. How I used my psyche studies of 20+ years to save myself and get myself out. I am not writing to you as a licensed therapist or doctor of psychology with my theories. I am writing to you as a trauma survivor who had to master Psychology just to get myself out and survive. And then, when I got to therapy in 2015, I saw all the ways it was inadequate for me. I watched therapists argue about my diagnoses. I argued with my therapists who deliberately avoided certain diagnoses because the Insurance Company told them they weren’t allowed to use certain diagnoses.
I was encouraged only to talk and trauma dump then sent on my way to put myself back together again. The system available is grossly insufficient.
But, unlike most people, I had 20 years of Psychology and Philosophy under me. So I built a system to supplement my therapy and I got myself out.
I now teach my method to others. But this… this is between you and me. My healing is not done. It will never be done. And there is so much you got wrong. Like with Addiction and talk therapy and purposely keeping patients in the dark… I want to show you what I’ve learned. I want to share with you what I have discovered.
Because of my trauma, my new dream is to work with you. I would love for nothing more than to be recognized by NIMH. And no one else will do. I may be way off with some things. I may be spot on with others. I don’t know everything. I only know what worked for me.
But one thing holds true, I admire you and think very highly of what you are and the work you do. And I would love for nothing more in my life than to be part of it.
So these are The NIMH Journals. A series of letters I am writing to you. One day, you will find them. One day, someone in your facility will see what I have written here. One day, you will contact me and ask me to come in to speak with you. And that day, I will happily sit down and show you all I’ve learned.
But first, I have left you a crumb trail… an easter egg hunt… This has been an 8 year long project that my subconscious has built in pieces over the years all so I can get to this point in time, this moment to tell you, NIMH, I really need you to listen to me and to see what it is I have done.
Believe me… you want to know what I’ve done here as it will go on to help millions more.