Visibility is what the Narcissist teaches you love is.
And every Narcissist has every Empath convinced of their charade.
It is very important that you (and I) understand exactly what Visibility is and what it implies. You (and I) must understand the value of Visibility.
Now. Visibility.
Validation is Visibility.
Validation is Confirmation that you have been Seen and Heard and Understood.
…
I need weed. I need to unlock my frontal cortex for this one. I feel it. I’m close to another epiphany.
lol… Just like Broken…
…
Validation is the Confirmation that you have been Seen and Heard and Understood.
Visibility is a stage where you can be seen. It is as close as one can get under a Narcissist to taking the floor, being heard, being seen, being understood. And then, only then, do we have a chance to CHANGE what is being done to us.
Inside the period of Visibility is HOPE.
I remember… my brother would beat me. I would scream for long hours.
I remember going to my aunt’s house and hearing my cousin screaming upstairs.
“What’s wrong with her?”
“Oh,” her mother waved an annoyed hand. “She was raped.”
And upstairs the child screamed.
That is what Narcisstic Invisibility looks like. That is the “Shelved” stage of Narcissim. I will talk a lot on this stage.
You have three roles under the rule of a Narcissist:
Serving
Shelved
Visible
Serving, is when the Narcissist needs you for something, so they pull you off the shelf to use you. During this time, you are hopeful that you will become visible, but most likely not.
Shelved, is when you are “dismissed.” You are placed in the corner or sent to your room until the next time you are needed. Out of sight. Out of mind. Here is the period where you are left alone… and alone itself becomes the trauma trigger.
Oh my god, don’t I know it.
Alone was the time I was left with all my pain, bleeding, and scars. Alone is the time I spent reflecting on everything that was done to me. Alone is the time I felt the most hopeless. Alone is a huge PTSD trigger for me.
Alone is why I go live on YouTube, to show myself that the alone I experience today, is not the same alone I felt then. It wasn’t alone. It was shelved.
Visible. I can count all the times I was visible as a child.
Thrice.
The first time was when I was sewing with my mum. I was home from school because I was sick. By that afternoon I was feeling better. I was standing beside her watching her cut the fabric. My brother was at school.
In that time, I opened up and told her about my brother beating me. I told her about how scared I was. She listened. She comforted. Nothing changed.
The second time, I was again, with my mum. My brother had caught a baby rabbit that he was planning on torturing later. We were leaving to school, but I stayed behind a few minutes. In those moments I begged her to release the rabbit.
She did.
The last time was with my grandmother. I was 19 years old and I told her all the times I was beaten and how no one believed me. No one saw me. My grandmother cried with me and comforted me.
Nothing changed.
Three times in 19 years. Visibility is rare. How I would have given anything to have been Seen, Heard, and Understood.
***
So what does this mean for love? Why do we confuse visibility for love?
Because when you live under the regime of a Narcissist, the Narcissist is the result of being raised without love. They don’t know what love is anymore than the Empath being used by the Narcissist.
The Empath is taught and conditioned to serve.
I believe that empaths are not born. I will go to my grave screaming this belief. I believe that Empaths are made by the Narcissist through conditioning, neglect, and abuse to make an individual exactly what they need to be to serve the Narcissist exactly how the Narcissist wants to be served.
My parents used corporal punishment, beatings, neglect, forced meat-eating, shame, guilt, name calling, and gaslighting to groom me alongside classic phrases like “Children should be seen and not heard.”
My first owner used rape, death threats, and violence with empty promises of visibility to further groom me into the perfect “servant.” Fuck that shit. I was in chains for six months and locked in a room expected to be “in position” at 10 PM every night. I was a slave.
My second owner used rape, gifts, neglect, degradation, humiliation, and shame to further groom me into his perfect little slave.
The third owner and first husband locked me up, kidnapped me, took my children, threatened to take my children from me, ignored me, neglected me, and name-called me to groom me into his perfect obedient “wife.” AKA slave.
My fourth owner and second husband used violence, beat my children, neglected and starved my son, used my children as free labor, used my body to breed, and used name-calling and guilt to groom me into what he wanted.
Narcissists know no bounds. Their goal is to take and use because the more value you posses, the more visible they are. And Visibility is the going currency in a Narcissist’s world.