There Ego sits again, their fists clenched, jaw tight as they sit in silence, unmoving while our Father wails on at us about how useless we are. How selfish we are. How worthless we are. And how we need to get a job…
And Ego can’t move. Ego is to busy thinking about all the things they wished they could say… And Here I am. Anger, arriving at the scene just in time.
I hand the message over to Ego. They know I’m here. But they’re focusing all their attention on “holding their temper.”
Yup. Dad conditioned that bullshit lesson into us well. “Hold your temper.” So here I am, delivering Subconscious Mind’s message to Ego… and Ego is more concerned about “Holding their temper” than paying any attention to me, the message, or the real problem: that Dad is slandering us again. That we are being subjected to verbal assault and abuse and Ego is only concerned about “Holding their temper.”
I wave the message at Ego, but they don’t see me. Dad’s done now. And Ego is sulking back to their room. Their thoughts still racing with all the things they wanted to say and didn’t.
Come on, Ego. You *want* to say those things for a reason. You *need* to say them. But I know Ego. They’re focusing all their attention on keeping their tongue and mouth still. Accept the abuse… as always…
At least, this time, I wasn’t thrown in the brig. I fucking hate the brig.
I dragged my feet along back to Subconscious Mind already knowing the drill. The next message I have to deliver is going to be louder, bigger, and heavier… now that one might just land me in the brig.