I finally discovered what love is. As someone who was raised with Narcissism, this was not an easy thing to answer.
Love is a gift. It is a celebration of the Self. What we love is a direct reflection of our Identity. I love cats, coffee, dance, music, helping others, nature, trees, the sea… I love these things because they are all pieces of my Identity.
When I love someone, it is an extension of my own Identity and my Self.
When we “love” someone from a place of self-loathing, what we really are doing is using that person to “fix” ourselves. We’re transferring what we wish we could be onto another person and that puts a massive burden on that person.
This isn’t love. It’s co-dependency. It’s toxic.
But when you know and love yourself, and then you love another like you love books or sunrises, you give and celebrate with those things. You never stop to demand that they love you back or that they fix you.
Love is the ultimate celebration of the self.