Hope Threads For Suicidal Ideation
About Lesson

The Darkest Point of my trauma is highlighted in my memory by a burst of Light. A single Hope Thread. This point in my life shines brighter than the brightest light, as if a Lighthouse penetrated through the Darkest Dark : That Light is the song “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” by Rodgers and Hammerstein from the musical Carousel.

I cannot hear the song today without crying.

Not of the horror and hell I lived through. But with pure elation and joy.

The promise of a Golden Light and the sweet silver song of a lark is true. It was the beacon of light, the promise that “at the end of the light there’s a golden sky and the sweet silver song of a lark.” Fueled by hope of that golden sky and silver song, I walked on.

It drove me. It guided me. It led me.

On the Darkest Days when I had lost everything and was certain I could not stand. In the days I slit my wrists wishing for death. On the days when I could see no future, I saw that Golden Light. I heard that Silver Song.

And once more, I picked myself up again.

I walked on for 30 years. Never losing sight. Always following the hope of that Light. Always focused on that promise that one day I will! One Day I will! Until one Day, I did.

Here I am, at the end of the storm.

And yes, I can tell you, it’s true. There very much is a Golden Sky. Every day, I hear that Sweet Silver Song of that Lark. It’s real. It’s here. Keep going. Keep fighting. Keep growing. Keep fighting. If I could, I would run back into that Darkness for you and I would carry you… Alas, for decades I tried carrying everyone out with me. “COME ON!” I screamed. It’s real! I promise you! No one has ever walked further than I. Endured more than I, and if I can do it, my god, then so can you. Come on! You can do it!”

I’ve been here now so long that I’ve calmed down. I live in my 3 Bedroom Brooklyn Apartment. 3 years ago I was a slave being used for breeding. Diagnosed as “incurable” and lost to the the world.

Here I am at my Kitchen Table living my dream life with my dream people.

And every promise Rodgers and Hammerstein made to me in 1995, that promise that inspired me with hope to stand and take just one more step… I live in it. To this day, every time I hear this song, I cry. I shake. I still can’t believe how far I’ve come.

If I could, I would wrap everyone in this song, backed by my story, fueled by my work. Armed with the evidence, the Physics, the Math, the Logic, and the Proof to say to you that I am not special. I have a Highschool Diploma and this song.

And here, I laid down the Stepping Stones for you. It took me 30 years to feel, identify, define, and prove them. But for you, just follow. Please, I wish you on. You’ll never walk alone. That golden sky and silver song are real. They are waiting for you.

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