“When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?… Too much sanity may be madness, and maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be.” – Don Quixote, Miguel de Cervantes
Ironic how much Don Quixote is so much a part of my life.
I’m happy… and then I was sad.
I went from feeling relieved from the answers, and I’m sad. I’m…
There is a lot in this world we do not see, nor do we understand. Many of us grow up with fantasies and expectations of what life will be, ideally, in a perfect world. And then we spend our adulthood being horribly disappointed.
I don’t know what the future will bring and that scares me.
I’ve seen things, I know things, I feel things… We create machines to measure this world we live in to try and understand.
Sometimes, I feel like we’re all just shifting ourselves, trying to find “the right position” to look upon a situation and just so we can gain the broadest perspective.
And just like that, you stop fighting. Just like that, your perspective does shift and you see, you really see what is. You stop arguing with the “magic” of the world. You stop resisting “the universe.” You finally OWN what you are and you step into the role designated, yes… designated, at your birth and you just accept.
You accept what that means. You accept the responsibilities. You accept the losses that this acceptance will bring. You accept the gains. You accept the pain. You accept it all. I don’t waste my time on trinkets and rituals. I studied Freyja and the origins to a lot of modern practices and superstitions.
I talk to some people. A few moments pass by and then… I realize what they believe. I can stop the act. I drop pretending. And I open up and reveal myself. And this is dishonest living. But too much has been too accurate for me to ignore. Too much is too…
I have known for a very long time that there is “something” out there. And to deny it, is to deny a huge part of me. Psychics pick me out of a crowd. Energy Readers and Healers feel me. I’ve had my Tarot read and she just… I know what I am. There is too much too consistent for me to deny it any more and the love of my life cannot follow me here. I have to walk this path alone.
I am a witch. I have the infamous witch’s mark on my back. I was born with it. I had a familiar once. I have always had black cats. We are drawn to each other. People look at me and call me hippie. I call me hippie. But really, I’m a witch. This last Retrograde, it was so hard on me… and just because the majority of the world doesn’t know, and the general population… the Narcissists… Oof! Narcissists HATE witches. So much. Because witches can see right through them. I See the Seidr. I wrote books on this.
I haven’t been able to write in years… because where my Seidkona goes next is where I have been needing to go. I am looking for a Mentor. Several actually. And the only place for Kallan to find her mentors is among her enemies. But if she is going to study… She is me.
I See now. I See it all.
I have to be careful what words I speak because when I speak, things happen. My wishes always come true. In jest, I called myself a witch. In jest, for years, I would watch what I say… I do not know my own power.
I want to be taken seriously. I want to be credible. And I am. Anyone who speaks to me for 5 minutes knows this about me. Maybe, I need to stop worrying about keeping up appearances. Maybe, I need to stop worrying about labels and titles. Maybe, I need to only focus on being my authentic self, aligned with my truth. Because all I know is when I am not aligned with both my Psychology AND my Energy, I am in severe pain.
And that is my truth. I am done denying. Sometimes, I will speak on what I know and what I am told. Other times, I will speak on my lessons. I am learning. And I’m not dabbling anymore. I’m diving deep into this. I am OWNING Who and what I am.
When you’ve known something all your life, but you’ve resisted it because you’re scared. Scared of being called “crazy.” Scared of being called “insane.”
But I See things… I Feel things… I’m tuned in and I am sensitive to the Shifts. And pain always comes to me when I’m denying what I See, sense, feel, or just “know.” They already call me crazy. They already call me whatever they need to make sense of me. And that is what I do… I prove to people what they try to deny. I am tired of suppressing myself and my truth to make others feel comfortable with their lies.
I am tired of suppressing my Self and my Truths to make others feel comfortable with their lies. I will not help you lie to yourself.
That is my power. That is my truth.
That this Energy just moves and flows, and I’ve hurt people with it. And I’ve exhausted Psychology. And when I’m all out of answers, I always find direction again in the Energy.
So here it is. This is what I am, I am finally ready to accept what I am.
And when I studied… When I studied Norway and the Sami… Oh my god, did I feel it there. And I feel it in the ruins. I feel it in Ireland. Tipperary. Right in the dead center. If there is still magic in this world, it is in Ireland. And the Drui… And I feel it in the Middle East and in Japan. I feel it in the forests of New York.
I’m done hiding. I’m done pretending what I don’t see. I’m done pretending what I don’t know. So here I am.
I have been in love with my partner for a very VERY long time. I followed the Energies to New York City in search of him. That is why I backpacked through New York for a year. I was looking for him. Near the end, I was meeting with man after man for 5 minute dates… just scanning him, shaking him head saying, “No. I’m looking for someone and you aren’t him.”
And I knew him the moment I saw him. The Energy that screamed at me to keep looking instantly fell silent… and every time I turn away from him, the Energy SCREAMS at me. Every time I tell him I’m leaving, my Energy screams. And it sends a vast pain through me… because it violates my truth, that he is the man I was born to love. Loving him just feels… right. It feels like that is where I am supposed to be.
Loving him feels good. It feels right. It feels like this is where I need to be. Why would I ever move on from this when loving him feels like it’s where I’m supposed to be?
And that is the truth I have resisted… since 2019, when I opened up this door and I ran into it with my logic and science… And now, the evidence is overwhelming, but every gaslighter is in my head, replaying back every negative they have said to me.
So hi. I am Anna. I am not supposed to exist. But I do. I am supposed to be dead. I am supposed to beaten down, stupid, ignorant, an addict, a cutter. Sorry to disappoint. I am supposed to be flaky and stupid, shallow, and simple. I’m supposed to be everything I am not. I am supposed to be an alcoholic and a loser and an overweight woman married to a man who beats me.
I am not supposed to intelligent and beautiful. I am not supposed to be ethereal and educated. I am not supposed to know what I know in Psychology and believe and follow Astrology as passionately as I do.
I am not supposed to be able to make people cry just by hugging them. I am not supposed to read the Energy like I do. And where I grew up, where I was raped into submission… I can’t obey. I can’t marry and settle down. I have too much… My throat chakra is open. It is healed. I feel it now. I was warned it would all happen fast. And I can feel the flood gates opening.
Over the next few days I will be journalling. Posting. Blogging. Vlogging. It’s like a purge. A lifelong poison… I’m purging the toxins.
Okay… momma, has work to do. I know who I am. I know what I am.
I claim Me.
Below is a video with a transcript on my recent birth chart reading by one hell of a Reader. If you’re curious about my chart… Take a look.
https://fathom.video/share/Yq28vMz5xYJNBVcyZyK7pGSXBLfoZPvT